Chapter 2 - Part 1

The galaxy spread out in front of them like a record player, but what these creatures pulled from there vernacular was nothing even remotely close. What stood before their eyes was still nothing less than miraculous. The spoakes of the milkway spread out in front of them and evoked dreams as it might in any species.

Their race, one from a neighboring galaxy of the Milkyway. They had named their beings and their planet after a comedian of sorts on their home planet. A comedian who became much more to them. Unfortunately he had horrible comic delivery and only lasted a couple nights on the comedy improv circuit. His name was Walter Vegbotin, Vegbotin is about as close to the pronounciation as you are going to get with an earth tongue. But Walter was right on.

If a human from earth had seen him he may have thought he was Drew Carey....Well except for the yellow skin and the blue eyes. Fortunately the skin and eyes matched and that much couldn't be said for their neighbors in the same solar system.

This horrible comedian did have quite a bit charisma that had parlayed him to a position as representative to a local bowling league. Not actually bowling, but a sport much like it was the main sport on Vegbotin. This had lead to many promotions and a small stint as an optimoligist for sightless carrier pigeons.

Vegbotin was a tangerine colored planet that resided...Ah hell it was far far away. Even if one were to explain that it was the Andromeda galaxy, how many reading a story much like this would even now where Andromeda resided. Even if one did know, it wouldn't bring any more clarity than saying...It was far far away.

So these yellow being with blue eyes stood looking through their glasses at the most magnificent sight any of them had ever seen. A snap shot of an entire galaxy that was being veiwed with almost, completely naked eye. You see the Vegbotins all wore glasses. Not out of visual impairment, but in honor of their leader. There were no Gucci frames though. Actually there were no variation in frame style at all. They were all wearing grayish black, thick framed glasses that had been prescribed by Vegbotin himself.

This would be the last time that they would see the galaxy as a whole before plunging into it. They had all been in a state of hyper-sleep until about 10 minutes before this. Light speed gave one no choice. You couldn't make a decent cup of tea in light speed, because time not only wasn't going forward, but it wasn't going backwards either. So the tea would never have brewed properly or at all really, and the Vegbotins could not live without their tea. Well they would have lived, but it would have made for a very trying existence in which many an uncomfortable afternoon might have been spent.

So the idea of hyper-sleep was brought up by Vegbotin himself, because the turn out at the local bowling alleys in Vegbotin was very poor. So poor in fact was the turn out that after 3 years of Vegbotin time, ten years of earth time, there had only been one volunteer for the mission at hand.

The Vegbotins had searched galaxies far and wide for a domesticated planet of interest. There was no particular crisis on Vegbotin that prompted this. Well there was another comedian with impacable timing that was starting to make Walter look completely humourless. His glasses where the only thing that went a long way to prompting humour, but Vegbotin needed something more to cement his place as leader for the foreseeable future.

You see in their immediate area of the galaxy there was a competition. Even more competitive than bowling. It was planet conquering. All of their neighbors, despite the fashion imparing non-matching eyes and skin had all found and conquered there own worlds. Vegabotin new that Clayton Dustpan, the comedian du jour not only possessed better humour but humour period. Plus he possessed a plan to conquer another world. He also didn't have a cousin looked in his basement named Rapscalion, but that is another story.

So that sent the plan in motion, and the hyper-sleep idea was born. Clayton Dustpan had been caught sleeping with an actress of what might have been considered a Norwiegen midget. That was something the Vegbotins could not swallow. Blond hair and orange skin just made horrible fashion sense, and was far less asthetically pleasing with the required glasses. He and his soon to be bride escaped to another, less fashion conscious planet, humour intact.

So they had looked around the Universe and neighboring universes for a planet worthy of annihilation. They finally, after several years, found a planet in the Milkway galaxy. They could only see small glimpses of the planet. Usually through the computers of bloggers of said planets. The one planet that stuck out to them was the planet England. They had spyed a site called Bastardly and the King of that site. They were familiar with the human notion of King, and found that a blogger named King Biscuit of the planet England.

They were also found that England had it's own fashionless, midget Norweign named Hayden.

The planet England the two most important things to the Vegbotins. First there was tea and England seemed to be full of the stuff, and second, there was need among the Vegbotin's to rid the Universe of anything remotely Norweign. The other important factor, which wasn't really considered as important as the other two, was that the human race was about to wipe itself out. This was just common knowledge among the Universe Savvy planets. England or Earth as their neighbors called it, was destined for self extermination. They wouldn't even need to conquer it. They could just show up and profit from the catalysmic events that were about to take place.

........

King Biscuit or so he was called on the blog named Bastardly, sat next to his computer. His window looked out on the yard next to his.
A couple weeks ago, King had mentioned to his neighbor that there had been a lack of pigeons. In fact he hadn't seen one in a long time. Well today, he looked out his window and there was what looked like 40 pigeons in his neighbors hard. King opened the window and yelled out, "It was only an observation!" And that it was, but it was one of which the Vegbotins had been waiting. This keen observation was followed by another, equally keen observation. These pigeons looked blind and were walking into each other and nearby inanimate objects.

........

Captain Peacock Flogbottom opened the door to his quarters. "So has tea begun to brew yet."

"Yes captain", came the reply from the rather tall, gangly Trevor Deplane. "And right on time I hear."
Captain peacock pulled his pocket watch from his overalls, clicked it open and announced, "Ah, Teatime Deplane. Let's get a move on."